I am not liking things at my new position at work. I’m still constantly stressed. I feel like I have no time at home. I am just over everything and I don’t know how to get to a better place.
I’m supposed to be sitting down with my boss tomorrow, maybe I’ll have some more answers then, at least figure my options, but truthfully I don’t think I’m ever going to feel comfortable at work anymore.
But as an attempt to get on a better schedule I’m going to start getting up earlier. Hopefully get some work done around the house before work. There’s so much not going great so I need to control what I can.
I got out of work at eleven tonight and as I was driving home I slowed down for a cat crossing the street. Before I continued on my way though I looked over and saw that there was an entire litter of kittens.
I admit that for just a tiny moment I considered stopping so I could try to catch the mama and her babies and bringing them home. I knew it was insane but I just couldn’t bare to leave them.
I did end up leaving them but I thought about them the whole ride home, and even now that I’m home I am seriously considering getting a box, getting dressed and getting back in the car to drive over the mountain to see if the family is still there.
I won’t though. I will behave. Though if we were in the new house by now I probably would have at least attempted to catch them.
Since I worked the weekend, I had Friday and Monday off instead. Friday we ended up at Walmart and it wasn’t a terrible way to spend an afternoon, it just wasn’t what I wanted to do on a precious day off.
Yesterday my husband asked what I wanted to do Monday. I know he meant it as what chores and errands I was planning but honestly, my mind instantly went to what I want to do for myself.
And I would answer that I want to take a few hours to go to a coffee shop and get a hot cup of coffee and read for as long as I want. Ir have a glass of wine and read on the porch. Or go see a movie. Or hell, take an uninterrupted nap. The main takeaway is that I want to do something on my time and not fit in time for myself between nap time and bedtime. I don’t want to spend the time looking at the clock guessing how much time I have left before nap time ends, I have to leave for work or I have to go to bed myself.
So that’s how I want to spend my day off.
Like a lot of parents, I struggle with the question of whether I feel comfortable sharing pictures of my little girl online. I feel slightly more comfortable on Facebook but aside from there, I just don’t feel super comfortable.
Occasionally on this blog I will share images, but those are ones where I feel somewhat confident that not enough is shown that it would become a privacy issue. Any other image is taken from the Unsplash app.
I wish I could feel safe posting pictures though. Part of the reason I wanted to start blogging (again) is so I could have a diary of my little girl’s early life…but I will settle for candid moments like this.
Actually it’s already a week into June, but who’s counting?
Actually, I am counting. June is a special month for me. It’s my birthday month and although I’m well into my thirties, I still get a bit excited for the big day. Mostly because it’s a brand new year and new challenges to face.
In January I set out to make a list of resolutions and then promptly forgot about them. I just couldn’t face doing anything in the middle of winter, but now that summer is finally here, I feel more motivated to work on myself.
I’m still tweaking my list, but I do know that one of the things I want to work on is to write more. I want to start exploring some freelance opportunities in the next year or two but in order to make a serious go of it I should be building up a portfolio. As I already have this blog, it seems like the logical thing to use this space for that purpose. So hopefully that is the biggest resolution I can keep.
Once I finish my resolution list, I will try to share it here. If anything, writing more will be a good distraction from all the chaos at home and aggravations at work.
May has been kind of a shit show. There was some major drama at work in which I almost willingly took a demotion in order to get away from all the stress. Truthfully, the demotion still isn’t completely off the table but for now I’m putting the idea on hold. Instead I’m taking a transfer to a different location and hoping for the best. At first I was kind of bummed about the idea for a lot of reasons, but I’m making peace with it. I took some time today to do some self care, ordered new glasses, bought some new clothes and went to Family Dollar to get some household stuff and ended up coming out with a new journal (I use them for my never ending to do lists) the perfect day planner and some face products as I am looking old. Or old enough I don’t typically get carded when I order a drink in a restaurant. So now I’m kind of looking forward to trying something new at work. My six year anniversary there is on Tuesday and up until now I have literally been doing the same exact thing. It’s time for a change.
May wasn’t completely terrible though. My little girl turned one on Mother’s Day weekend so we spent time as a family going to a zoo and then my husband’s professors at school threw her a birthday party. And we are moving forward on buying our first (and hopefully last) home. It has been incredibly stressful but unlike all the work stuff, it’s exciting stress.
So that was my May. It almost feels as though it should still be the beginning of the month but nope, it’s almost time for June. Got to remember to plan something for Father’s Day and my birthday is at the end of the month so hopefully my husband and I can plan something fun for the two of us. And hopefully I’ll find myself blogging a little more often. No promises, but I will try.
Thursday my husband got a baby free day as we needed to go to the house inspection. When we finished we went for lunch and then went and stopped for ice cream.
When we got the ice cream I used my bank card that I had in my jacket pocket.
We had our ice cream and started driving home. As we’re driving I check my pockets and realize my bank card is not there.
Hubby pulls over and we start searching the car. Nothing. We go back to the ice cream place and I check with the workers and nothing. We search the car again and start thinking of calling the bank to report it missing. I’m feeling sick and annoyed when my husband checked his wallet and realized that some how he ended up with it.
We think that after the cashier ran the card she handed the card to him even though I gave it to her and I signed the slip.
I’m still scratching my head.
My usually great sleeper decided to get up three or four times last night, after struggling to go to bed in the first place.
At least today is my day off. At least I can be lazy today. I just wish I knew why she had so much trouble sleeping so we can avoid it tonight.